I Miss You

I Miss You

When I sit, stand, live or sleep
Can't make it stop, these feelings run deep
Why can't my mind be left alone?
Be at peace and know that you're gone...

From hour to hour when we used to talk
I'd be there so you didn't have to walk
My day, night, and time between
I ask myself, what did it mean?

Now my days go by each one mundane
No way to talk, I'm going insane
Shows pain is love, and love is pain
Just praying to God you don't forget my name

Asking God why this has to be
I breathe, but feels like I'm dead in me
All I wanted was you, I had it bad
But I'd take it all back to have what we had

These rhymes are raw, nothing unique
My souls now still, demeanor is meak
But this is it, my heart is through
I just want you to know that I miss you...

I miss you... =(

I Was...

I was going to post a poem I wrote here... But I realized after I got to school that I'd left it at home... SO... Tonight, if I get a chance, I'll post it... if not... there's always tomorrow =) Lots of poems coming out of me these past few days though... It's been nice...

A New Leaf

I haven't been on Blogger in such a long time that I went back and read some of my old posts because I was unsure of what I used to write on here. These few pages on this website hold a lot of parts of my life in them, but viewing them, I realized what an immature and irresponsible part of my life they actually portrayed. I've learned a few things since my last post when I sounded so vulnerable and was seeking many answers from God.

I think looking back now, those questions have been answered quite adequately. I have drawn closer to Him, and while I still stumble at times, my focus is on Him. Moreso then in years I feel healthier, I feel more intelligent, I just feel more potent, and I feel capable of living life the "right" way, putting God first.

I think coming back to Peoples was the best choice I've made in a long time. Sure there are the drawbacks, with homework always due, and lots of deadlines, however I don't think I would have been prepared to go to university this past year. I would have been just fine academically and emotionally, but spiritually I would have fallen apart. I've seen so many Christians fall back to earth after going to university and not being able to walk the straight and narrow that we're called to walk. I think another year at Peoples is the perfect conditioning that I need to do that.

I've also been learning a lesson about patience. There are many things in my mind which I would like to pursue... things which I think are special and need time to be done properly. I've been praying that God be there every step of the way in my decision making process, and I think that He will be. I think I have resolved certain things in my mind, certain pursuits, and I want His answer as to whether I should be a go getter. Another thing I'm having to be patient about is my temper. I need to be proactive when it comes to settling scores, and it's bad for me, and I need to take time to let God do His thing, so I could do less of my thing, since my thing would likely be the cause of many more issues.

I've also learned that at this stage of my life, I should care a lot less about friendships. I love a lot of my friends, I do... However, when for a long time it feels like all you're doing is giving and giving and giving, it starts to get frustrating. I don't know if I'm a good friend or a bad friend, I just know that I need to be true to myself and give myself a little bit more attention to further straighten myself out. Is it wrong to say that? I don't know... I need to hold onto the five people I trust most, and let everyone else go I think... Hmm... Good way to lose friends huh? Blog about not wanting them =P

And to end on a positive note, my drive and determination to discipline myself and my body is paying dividends. I've finally got around to toning my arms and giving the bulk some definition. It's going to be a work of art once I'm done, I would say, or I hope. =)

Anyhow, it's been quite therapeutic writing and not having someone communicate back to you. This is me, speaking in front of the new leaf I've turned in my life. More later maybe...

Lionel